Unrelenting.

I'm sitting on the sideline, watching and waiting for an opportunity, a chance to be in the forefront, the spotlight on me starring me, in the story of my life. Right now the leading character doesn't seem to be leading much of anything. It's a lonely feeling seeing my life pass before me, sitting juxtaposed to and accompanied with my selfless shadow. There are a lot of things happening, people moving fast, friends moving on. No doubt the scenes are changing, but have I?

A friend recently told me that I've changed, so much so that he wonders if he ever knew me. I started rationalizing that in the course of a few years, it's natural for people to change. Or maybe it was him that changed. But now I wonder if he's right, that I’ve been a double agent all these years trying to be something or someone I'm not.

The one thing that's for sure is that I haven't felt more alone than before. There's a world out there that has moved on and the one thing I can't seem to do well is just that. I'm holding on to something that I'm not convinced is there. I question whether it’s worth trying so hard to believe that things haven’t changed, that we’d have something worth holding on to.

The question now is where to go from here.