Sunday, June 13, 2010

Envy is a bitch.

Never knew you could actually feel so unimportant... it's 3 days till I'm 21 and yet strangely I don't feel any excitement at all. I mean not that I'm not thankful for what i already have, god knows i thank him everyday for making life livable, but what if i don't want it to be normal? What if i want to be extra-ordinary? i mean how do you go about doing that? i envy people who have direction in their life so much, the dreamers, people who are involved in helping other people out, people who have like really huge problems yet they just breeze through life. and God knows i envy couples who i see walking around, mostly cos of the resolve they have in making things work, it also shows me that even if they go through a lot of hurt in the process they still enjoy being together, and that even with the risk of being hurt they still take that chance.

For the people involved in charities, people helping other people out and people fighting for a cause... i envy you because you have the drive to help other people out without ulterior motives, to spend so much time for people you hardly even know, for a cause that for all we know is hopeless to fight for. I envy you because of your compassion and determination in making that dream happen.

For the people who have direction in their lives, i envy you because you know where you're going. That no matter what happens in the now, you'll always know where you'll be a couple of years from now... i envy you because you already know what you're gonna be. what job you'll take, who you'll marry, and what you're going to do when you get all of that...

For the dreamers, i envy you because even if most of it doesn't come true, still you dream and hope for it to come. Because in dreaming you get happiness, and a sub-conscious effort to make that dream come true, and most of all i envy you because when one day your dream does come true I'd love to be able to feel what you feel.

For the people who breeze through life.. i envy you because even if youre hit hard with problems all you do is glide through it, yeah it does get bumpy along the way but you don't let it affect you. After the storm has passed you act as if no problem has ever blown your way. I envy you because in the end it will be you guys who the people will look to for hope when the mood is grim. It'l be you who will become pillars of hope for all the people around you.

I know im not one of these people, i do take pride in what i am and what i do, but not enough.
i wish one day i could be envious of my own shadow...

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